Form of Fear
scary monster

I went to a public high school and the health class that I was in taught abstinence only education. My teacher told his personal story about how he waited to have sex with his wife until they were married, and if we didn’t do the same then our future marriages would fail. He definitely used fear to try to persuade us to wait to have sex until marriage. He even passed out “chastity cards” that stated that we would wait to have sex until marriage and then, although it was not required, it was highly encouraged to sign the card. I chose to sign it because most of the other students in my class were signing it, and I felt pressure from my teacher. Other than teaching the importance of abstinence, the only other significant education we received on sex was about the possible STI’s that you can get from having unprotected sex. He showed us a PowerPoint of disgusting pictures of STI’s that we could get from having unprotected sex. I took this class when I was 15 and it really impacted me. I formed a fear of having sex, and I chose to not have sex with my high school boyfriends because of the fear of the guilt that I would feel and I thought that it could potentially ruin my relationships. In high school, I was vowing to not have sex until marriage and wore a “purity ring”. As I matured and started college and I began to know myself better, I changed my opinion on sex and decided that I would be fine with not necessarily waiting to have sex until marriage, but I wanted to wait for the “right” person, and I wanted my first time to be with someone who I loved and trusted. I ended up having sex for the first time when I was 21 with my serious boyfriend. After my first time, I was expecting to feel completely different and to feel a wide range of emotions. In reality, although it was special and a big deal to me, it didn’t impact me as much as I thought that it would. I am still with the same guy that I was with when I lost my virginity at 21. Overall, I am happy that I waited because I felt like I had reached a maturity level to make smart decisions about sex and I was sure that I was ready to have sex. But at the same time, I feel that my sex education gave me anxiety and made me fear sex. I wish that I would have received more education about having safe sex and learning from educators that may not have waited to have sex until marriage.